watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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