can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
