I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize