guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
