I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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