The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
