ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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