SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
