I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
