Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
