Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize