Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
