I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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