know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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