You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
