Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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