final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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