last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
