there's paper in my vomit.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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