he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
