Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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