he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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