my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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