Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
