i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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