I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
