T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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