So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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