Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
