My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's always time for handjobs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
