when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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