Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
