so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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