I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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