I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
