This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
