Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she peed on how many people?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
