i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
