Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
