you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to cum in my sink.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
