omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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