I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
