the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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