nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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