Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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