He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
