My liver just broke up with me...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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