So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
