so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
