We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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