Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
