take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this will be a night to untag.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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