I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
