I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
