whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
