i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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