I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
