I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
