Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
