she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
