Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
