it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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