I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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