...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
