i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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