if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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