Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i think i just lost a toe
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
