So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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