How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to calm my uterus...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
