Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
