rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
