Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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